It was still light ouot when we were walking up Pier Ave and she kept asking if she could suck my nipples.
Does getting a boner while watching the celtic women sing opera on ETV make me cultured?
Shit, I may have left some acid in your bathroom last night. Has he been in there lately.
Why don't we skip the roadtrip entirely, save us the trip, and go straight to jail?
Or maybe my penis is just the key to their locked boxes of crazy, and I unleash their wrath upon all of mankind just so I can get my nut off
Having the sex-a-thon in the back yard led to some really odd tan lines.
Like handprints on my lower back...
Now if u will excuse me I have to go prep my vagina for this amazing sex filled weekend I'm about to encounter
Yes. We drank 3/4 of a handle of vodka, fried and ate a 3lb package of bacon, I tackled the neighbors snowman, made snow angels in our underwear, and then fucked all night. Christmas success.
You left something at the house but since I'm back home now so I can just mail it over. Address?
I didn't realize you could put dignity in a box these days.
Welp, I've officially cried in every Chipotle bathroom in the city. Correlation or causation?
Go to a building you've never been before and take a shit. It's marvelous
I got hella high today and freaked out about life and interest rates
So how does one go about leaving their family vacation to hang out with someone they met on tinder
Christ, I'm so hungover I pretty positive I sent Luna to school with salsa instead of jelly on her sandwich.
If I hear that song one more time I will drive to hell and make John Lennon eat my ass.
Randomize