do you have any idea why i woke up naked spooning my toaster?
I woke up this morning naked, with a to-go box from Qdoba, an entire meal completely untouched. I have been piecing together my night to find some answers. I feel like Nancy Drew.
i just threw up in the porta potty. i am in no condition to be guarding anyone's life rite now.
just as they were cutting his pants off he made em stop & said "everyone knows about shrinkage right".
As long as you're not dating white guys again.
Taking my tights off outside the club to give them to the homeless man was my contribution to humanity. The fact that it was snowing just made me feel like superman.
Did you know you could bring s cooler of beer to the nail salon?
Just FYI, by the transitive property my breasts have now touched the Stanley Cup.
Great news. Our sex broke my otter box
You walked up to a random girl on the street and asked her for a bite of her pizza...
man fuck you i am a delight. you're the one who fucking set his tree on fire while high
I have got to move on from this "sleeping with every drug dealer I meet" phase.
It was a bad idea to take ecstasy with cats in the house. No animal likes being touched that much. Let me know how your eye feels tomorrow
Yes we can sext. I'm taking my socks off.
Oh shit. My bra is undone and I'm pretty sure I peed on my sandal
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