I thought he was gonna sex me but then he ran to my bathroom and jerked off
The shirt is mine, the pants are mine, the bra not so much
Ive either hit rock bottom or become my own hero.
Defiantly just threw away our yearly bottle collection in front of the campus tour. The school should pay me for recruitment
I think I just inadvertently started a sex competition with my roommate and her boyfriend.
Please stop using me as a reference for bail bondsmen.
My greatest achievement in life thus far is being the go to friend when you have questions about butt plugs.
Just had sex in the room next to my parents. Heading back to school ASAP.
I'm currently in h&m wondering "what exactly is the class level of a swingers resort?"
I tried to get more sleep but the universe decided I needed a drunken freshman instead
2:34, make a wish! I wish I wasn't on acid at Planned Parenthood. What's yours?
I like to send nudes ok? If that's my biggest flaw I think I'm ok
You just kinda wondered into the street and started screaming at dogs and small children...
I think the God that I only kind of believe in, definitely hates me.
there's a bowling ball in the dishwasher and a dog bone in the freezer
Randomize
