i feel like the song jizz in my pants was made for him.
im doing shots everytime lil jon says it in the song shots....blackout town here i come
Don't make me choose between a good grade and anal
the man who designed bathrooms to have toilets within easy puking distance from the shower is my hero
Today needs to die. The mail delivery guy watched me throw up in my yard while taking my chihuahua out in Christmas pajamas at noon. Low point in my life.
She tried to beat him up using a half gallon of Bacardi, instead she got tangled in Kayla's hanging bra and broke a lamp. She can party with us anytime.
Either you got hacked or we need to have a serious discussion about sending penis enlargement emails to your straight friends and why you shouldn't. It sends the wrong message.
i got up, ate a McDouble, then went straight back to bed.
You sure know how to make a day worth living.
I should have been on a postcard. I was sitting in the middle of the forest with a plate full of pot brownies and missing you.
That's the last time I get in a car with six rappers headed to god knows where.
I had a drink called "the white nun." It tasted like Marshmallows, and celibacy.
A man just sang Jennifer Lopez to me out his car window. I am not sure how I feel about this, but it is not positively.
Bro i pulled the fucking willy wonkas gold ticket of ratchets the other night this chick was a real treat god bless her
The moment buddy the elf found out he was human is exactly like the moment I realized I was gay
Irony: drinking your pre workout supplement out of the cup your Krispy Kreme doughnut holes came in.
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