yea ive hooked up with like half those guys
and i've hooked up with the other half...when our powers combine, we are captain slutbag
He left the bathroom door open so i would hear him masturbate in the shower to make me feel guilty for not putting out but it just turned me on cause i like guys masturbating. weird?
connan obrien reminds me of an asparagus spear
So the dentist told me I couldn't suck on anything. She emphasized ANYthing.
Just had a pleasant conversation with a mugger while he was taking off my shoes. Why can't I get along with people like this sober?
so far we have 6 big wheels and 10 boxes of wine for the tour de franzia. team drunkslut is favored to win the yellow jersey.
I think she faked a seizure to get out of it ...
Still losing my voice, so I am trying to get it back through drugs. Welcome to my Monday logic.
You're the only person I know who can be puking into a trash can at 8 in the morning in Manhattan and get a date out of it....
He just asked me to be his girlfriend while having sex on his parents kitchen counter
So it's official the pockets of my work apron exist solely for the purpose of secretly flipping off asshole customers and not losing my job.
Please tell me I didn't send you a dick pic in the middle of Peter Pan..
We need to get me chipped asap
Three times. Three times I left home yesterday in search for sex, and three times I returned un-orgasmed.
She is beauty she is grace
she’s masturbsting in front of an open window while drunk af 9am
i thought you had class
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