I just walked by a ginger with a mullet. I repeat GINGER mullet. So help us God.
i upgraded from drunk texts to drunk e-mails...real world here i come
i just used my scantron for my final to make paper shotglasses. i'd say i passed in flying colors.
becoming an adult blows. i don't think its possible for me to wake up for anything that doesn't involve kegs and eggs or half naked bums passed out in our yard.
Im still in bed and cant move and i only had Two beers and a shot last night... how did I make it in college?
God gave us a 4 year grace period.
please just be careful, i just switched my facebook status to "in a relationship", i would look really pathetic if i had to change it back to "single" already
i woke up with a wedding ring drawn on my finger...if this was vegas id be worried
The question of "Will I eat a piece of curried chicken off the floor?" has been answered tonight.
I just saw her shopping list. The only things on it are blackberries, hot fudge and condoms. I almost don't wanna know. Almost.
That dick who always called me a slut in high school showed up at the clinic with boner problems. Then I was assigned as his nurse. Who's laughing now. I AM.
The shit show didn't end. it just relocated itself to my apartment instead of yours.
you also need to get my treadmill fixed.
All I want to do on Facebook today is comment on people I knew in high schools profile pictures and tell them how much uglier they are now.
I gave a very stressed out cashier a mini bottle from my purse the day after Christmas. It's what Jesus would have done.
You're a good person. Sharing is caring.
I did a line of coke with my ex tonight. Talk about memories
Have you actually looked at the corn flakes box? I don't think the rooster has a soul.
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