Black lace...the rest is up to ur imagination
last night i told the bartender i only have 3 days left to live so i wouldnt have to pay for drinks
this morning i woke up with a nothing but a pair of what i believe are fairy wings on - and the bartender in my bed
he thinks ill be dead by monday and still came home w me.. WTF?
messed up. what color are the wings?
I just Organized my jello shots by their colors in my mini fridge for the rest of the week. I'm going places in life.
Just ran interference for her again. Sometimes i wonder how many times in my life i'll have to be a cock block at the clinic
Jerry just sent me this: IOR GHIT ALL THE BUTTIB. Go get him. Now.
He went into the alley to piss and came back a minute later with a case of Bud Select. I'm speechless.
Bisexual Viking-cowboy hybrid is at the bar again
Dibsssss
fat people need to stop using the handicapped bathroom stall so I can have sex in it. it's common logic
We're not on Beacon Street anymore so now your argument about not peeing on the sidewalk holds no water. Whereas my bladder has holded every water.
Also if i get drunk and start crying about the elephants you all have my permission to abandon me.
I may watch porn and eat a baked potato covered in chili in bed
I thought my holiday spirit was gone this year until I got banged to Christmas music. It's back.
He has no idea I'm scrolling through Instagram while he's going down on me. I'm so bored.
So my balls are accidently making an appearance on snapchat
i think i just naturally attract stoners
Randomize
