Hawaiian shirts and no dignity
We are always on the same wavelength...kinda eerie.
Want any specific kind of beer?
Yeah. Alcohol flavor.
Got it. Anything but Miller.
And the cops told us we were all naked.
she called me a fuckfaceshitdick. not that's creative. it sounds like a crayola crayon, preferrably an orange-brown shade.
He was sitting cross legged outside his tent repeatedly hitting the ground with a hammer and shouting 'this.is.a.good.idea.'
didn't know how to tell his mom I was confused about how long we'd been together because we banged for a full year before making it official
I came home to my brother stoned out of his mind. He got a high score on COD and asked me to have a celebration yogurt with him.
Your doorknob is in my back seat, in case you were looking for it.
You used the best tools you had at your disposal.
Slutty, slutty tools.
Oh my god what did I do. My hands are scraped, there are pickles on the floor, my clothes are wet, and I don't remember how I get here. Thank you.
I would like you to know I am eating your apology chocolate, which means i forgive you for puking everywhere before formal
Please show REO speedwagon ur boobs for me.
So is that the only criterion for shenanigans now? Don't die?
I can still taste the Jäger. I'm gonna shoot myself.
She lured me back to her place with pizza and tits. I was totally helpless
Randomize
