I drank enough to make her look pretty . . It worked and i threw up while going at it
Just went to my life planning class. The professor has a braid going halfway down his back and an earring.
he asked me to have sex with him by saying 'take one for the team'. so no we didn't do it.
this is a time for prayers...seriously
let us hold hands and pray.. sweet baby jesus please bring us some sweet sweet man loving this homecoming weekend to aid our lonely vaginas it has been a long couple of weeks amen.
nah i think i'm gonna take my landlord's kids trick-or-treating instead. apparently the houses around here hand out wine to the adults and candy to the kids.
Dear Penis Owner...our records show that you are overdue for servicing...please contact our friendly associates to schedule a thoroughly satisfying experience today...operators are standing by...
Not sure I just ate a really big pot brownie, I feel like my future is uncertain
If he can forgive your lousy blowjobs, you can ignore his terrible driving.
Matt you can be anything you want to be. Including the awesome guy that brings pizza to a bunch of stoned and sorta drunk kids.
I have vodka and a slip n slide so of you could come over that would be great
I don't need you anyway! I have puppies and booze!
You rubbed a frozen pizza in my face. The concerning part was that it was semi cooked from our body heat
I volunteer to be the person who breaks into the room and runs around naked and has to be escorted out by police.
I have no idea what happened last night but I sobered up whilst showering with a mop.
Regardless I WANT TO BE YOUR SEX DISPENSARY. that is like the career I was born for.
Randomize
