Fun fact: tonight on intervention was the guy who did my tattoo
Yeudjkisdjxbfceryuj. i love having a qwerty keyboard just so i can do that.
people are starting to question the shark bite story
He nailed 50 frozen hamburgers to the ceiling last night. Now there are flies every where.
Was rudely woken up by strangers at 4:15am. I was leaning against the stoplight at 9th
Idk if I woke up next to a cat or raccoon. either way it's purring.
I just had a threesome in the back of my mom's van. I'm pretty sure the rest of my week is going to be epic.
If eating a cheesesteak naked doesn't make me feel better, then I don't know what will.
OMG. Hung over at my grandparents house. Threw up on 3 T-stops, countless snowbanks, and the grandparents driveway. Was proposed to last night. Bruised from head to toe from falling down 3 flights of stairs. Debating my intelligence because it seems that "happy new years" is too hard for me to spell. How were your new years festivities?
Seeing Grandma lick chocolate sauce off of the male stripper was definitely not the way I planned to enter the world of legal drinking.
I threw up vodka and borscht. I'm done with life...I threw this up in a McDonald's bathroom btw.
I AHVE A WINE BUCKETTTTTTT
Maybe you should slow down tonight...
KINGS DON'T NEED ADVICE FROM LITTLE HORN-BILLS FOR A START
It smells like graded cheese and febreze in the family room what the hell have you been up to???
I woke up an hour ago with orange fingers and a condom stuck to my head.. Wtf just happened?
Randomize
