She thinks she's a fairy, dude. A real fucking fairy with wings and shit.
Beer lympzucs are ki7lling me
I just let my hand run under cold water for five minutes. I couldn't stop staring at it and the only things I could think about were how amazing it felt, how cool water was, and what a wonderful world it is that we live in. Reasons why I don't smoke...
This guy at the airport was telling me 3/4 dudes in his group got rufied at some strip club. One guy woke up in the hospital, another found himself in a random parking garage, the other got back to the room and they all shit their pants. Go Vegas.
Is it inappropriate to be Drs. Willy Fister and Jess Hewill as a couples costume for Halloween?
Oh we're gynecologists
Out of curiosity, do you feel happiness for you, or sadness for ME, that you are the only one I drunk text?
I'm going to try and loofah my hangover away.
Update: It didn't work
I am putting together a break up mix and its pretty much the best of Phil Collins
He kept telling me that it stood for Sex Utility Vehicle
Is there one of me peeing? If so do I look bangable in it
I had a sex with someone last night and I was so drunk. i told him to tell me his whole name so I can say it back to him in a "sexy" way.... Because I forgot it
I'm gonna cum garlic butter
my night went from a boring school play to hotboxing a car with 3 criminals
If you think I'm going to drive 5.5 hours just to bang a guy, you'd be absolutely right.
It wasn't as awesome as they lead everyone to believe. No stripper. Ran out of booze. The chipmunk. He was real.
Randomize
