I need to shower the guilt off of my thighs.
He saved me in his phone as Easy Jen. Should I be offended?
I wouldn't worry about it. He has me as "Sex Puppet."
Dating is not our generation's strong point. We're an era that's good at getting laid.
i just overheard my mom tell my dad he should drink less so he could hit the right hole
He went through and tagged himself on my crotch in all of my facebook pics
Just did a line with lance bass. Only in NY
...Saturday night. Get your dick ready. We are going to go nuts. I want to have sex fucking everywhere.
I think I'm going to add the date I dumped his sorry ass as a life event on FB.
I think that's justified.
I COULD BREAK CONCRETE WITH MY FOOTBALL ERECTION.
Listen. You dont know how advanced you are in yoga till you have to shave your butthole
It looked like Halloween in bed... BECAUSE HE BIT MY PUSSY AND I BLED ALL OVER THE FUCKING PLACE. THEN HE FELL AND BROKE HIS TOE. AND THEN PASSED OUT WHEN HE SAW ALL OF THE BLOOD.
not that im pissed, but why are there two naked chicks in my bed?
All our friends are getting married, and I'm the dateless guy bringing molly to their weddings.
we went outside for a smoke and when we came back in you were ptfo on the floor holding the phone to your ear. Pizza pizza was on the line.
Did you get good sleep?
I dreamt that I was a lipstick lesbian in the 1950s, working at Walgreens and solving mysteries.
So yes.
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