I am coming home for anal
* a nap*
wicked high...have munchies. cherry flavor lube. problem solved.
I just realized there's an entire generation of children that will never know Alex Trebek had a mustache... Sad.
Either I'm a lot drunker than I thought, or he has three dicks....
I think I'm gonna have to go with the first one...
In case this wasn't clear when i said being his wingman was "hopeless", his date walked out on him when he poured a beer on his head trying to shotgun it
If a man doesnt have the ability to fuck you well on a small climbing wall, I don't think he deserves you.
he has decreed that i can sleep with anyone who has the same name as him. line up all the toms
Dude, I had to stop mid fuck. Her cat was swatting at my balls as I did her from behind. I couldve lost something.
So, last night I fell asleep sitting Indian-style on the floor, propped up against the front of the couch with an empty wine bottle in between my legs... How was your night?
In the ER with Chelz, I may have broken her ankle during sex. Lovely.
Did I fall on/off the boat yesterday? Cuz my right leg looks and feels like if it got hit by shrapnel.
So I spent all night thinking my bed was floating down a river and telling the cats to get on the bed because they were going to float away. Percocet is strong shit.
i asked him to talk to me in french while we fucked and halfway through i caught the word 'lasagna'. turns out he was making his grocery list.....i asked him to keep going.
Okay Im still jerking off but now with the Reality of Law School Looming In The Distance
I'm at home 4 xanax deep watching She's all that.. no I don't want to go out. The couch is eating me.
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