I wish I had a frozen water bed.
best. idea. ever.
I can't be the first person ever who had to explain why her bottle of orange juice had a picture of a screwdriver drawn on it
I think I'm about to have sex with a second person before noon hehehhe! You're welcome America.
I tried giving you a bj last night and all you could manage was "Haha that tickles" and "in the morning"
Can you come get Dustin he's putting taco bell fire sauce on cigarettes trying to light them again.
Some drunk guy thought my knee scooter was the sexiest thing he's ever seen. He then proceeded to ask me about duck hunting and decoys...
There was another blizzard last night and at one point I was drinking 3 beers at once. Driving home didn't seem like a wise option
Please tell me you woke up next to the hot one cause his ugly friend is still snoring in my bed and my favorite panties are ripped.
Wingwoman of the year. I'll buy you dinner tonight and a new thong. It was THAT good.
Sorry, I thought I responded to your question. My name is Jon, we kinda had a sleepover at your friends place in OC. Don't know if you remember me, you were "dick chugging" like there was no tomorrow last night.
I called my mom while I was blackout drunk, and told her I was drunk, safe, and happy. But really, I was just drunk.
grandma made pot brownies .. oh god bless us everyone
Get your ass back to America. We've got a lot of drugs to do.
They say find what you're good at... Evidently that's showing up late for everything, drinking, and eating cheese for me.
somehow getting chased by a bulldozer was NOT on my to-do list for today. just saying
I have only been here for a week and might contributed to a dumpster fire on accident.
Randomize
