sooooo how many boyfriends is too many?
your dick doesn't do me any good in arizona
I'm in the line at the airport trying not to vomit on the person in front of me. Happy Tuesday.
i've never smoked before...when you said wake and bake i thought you meant like a funeral bbq or something
he's wearing our apron and eating a pb and oreo sandwich. and calling the oreos "topless" since he took their tops off...
It's like the bermuda triangle of cat puke
So my dealer asked me if I wanted to join his circle because we smoked so much this summer he thinks we're dealing
Get a piano. I want to have sex on it.
This will always be remembered as the Christmas I had 15 Russians sing christmas carols to me at 130am alone in a gas station while I was stoned on pot brownies
We kinda got asked to leave the strip club and on the way out, you fell again. When you finally got up we got a standing ovation from the girls behind the bar and you took a bow. It was awesome.
Your uterus is safe from my father's misconstrued prophecies.
If he refers to me as slump buster one more fucking time.
I drove them away with my sparkling personality and LOTR references.
walk of shame across osu's campus on game day. i can see all the spots i threw up last night. its like my personal yellow brick road.
on a campus of 30,000 people, i should not be able to see every single guy I've ever hooked up with at one party.
Randomize