An eyelash just fell out into my container of rice. Searching for it, i took a single piece of rice out at a time coming to the coclusion that i should not be this high while eating rice.
so I think he was half asleep, but he woke me up by saying "where's my cow? Is it being shipped?" He must have been dreaming about farmville..
how convenient is it that the kid i'm fucking lives right next to planned parenthood?
i saw a stretcher and literally ran around for 10 minutes telling people it wasnt for me
Sex and the city 2 and twilight getting released in the same month. God hates mankind.
There will be two dogs there to provide supervision. Not to worry.
Tequila me may have very bluntly told him that I wanted to touch his abs.
Februarys looking very promising in the vaginal department
I'm calling it the Friendlationship with Benefits Zone.
Be proud. All I did last night was roll around in my nun costume selling drugs. I love Halloween.
Now I have the walk of shame to give the receptionist the bathroom key back, I've had it for 20 minutes. I should just smile and wink. She knows what went down.
I think God is sending me all these 20 year olds to make up for wasting my 20's in that crappy ass marriage. Thanks Big Guy!
So you broke your ribs while fucking? Dude you just got about 25% hotter.
So, i might have left my morals back in 2011.
Can we throw a "death to my 20s" party when I turn 30?
Sure. Funeral attire and hard liquor
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