i hope my daughter doesn't end up with cankles. no guy likes cankles.
My warmest regards to the fish in that koi pond I puked in.
My building was evacuated who wants to quake and bake
I can't believe that 100lb chick tackled me through a flight of stairs
I remember desperately screaming that I love my life and running in zig zags all the way home
We were showing our tits to everyone because it's breast cancer awareness month and we care deeply
I thought we were doing it cause it's Tuesday
I have no idea. There are 6 asians singing hey soul sister to me right now.
I'm so high I would give anything in the world to be inside my lava lamp right now
Dude, did you know, your blood is contaminated with over 17 non-beer fluids?
why is there blood on my car? and are we still friends?
I was sleeping pretty good until your cat pooped loudly. I dreamed that a full grown man was pooping on my ear. It startled me.
He said you asked to eat pepperoni off his dick and he thought it was weird
I mean I thought it sounded fun
he force fed me pizza, ripped my clothes off, almost broke the couch, and actually broke my nose. it was a good night, i'd say 😂
We have sober sex! It's a real relationship.
I just saw puke on the road at the same stoplight i threw up at sunday morning! Makes me smile inside.
Randomize
