Haha dude youd die if you were here. Girl presenting is defending the new testament and did her report on JESUS. best believe i'm gonna ask some hungover, atheist ass questions
One minute shes telling me about her volunteer work then she whips out a 12 inch dildo
I hope this doesn't become one of those friendships where we dont have sex
this is not okay. even my mom refers to me as a sorostitute.
Fuck. The basement bathroom I've been getting head in for 6 months just went 'Out of Service'.
You sat on my knee, like Santa, while I peed.
He is like the "hometown sweetheart", but a huge freak. Like "I'll come change your flat tire"....but then fuck you like an animal in the back seat.
He's wearing my bra and eating a breadstick while jumping on our bed.....
I will have you know I turned Latino David Arquette down for sex because he's married. Total. Moral. Victory.
Flo's in town, ain't she.
You don't understand. My ass is the color of eggplant.
Crust to egg proportion prescribes to a pedantic form of quiche. It's like saying breakfast pizza isn't pizza at all.
YOU SLEPT WITH A GUY WHO HAS A BILLBOARD IN HIS HONOR?
I promise your sink was clogged before I threw up in it.
Interlocking vagina powers go!!'
Oh god, your drunk again aren't you?
How does it make you feel that I can't control my vagina around you?
Randomize
