sometimes i wish i could just stick a turkey baster up there and suck out the blood
I did a mental Irish jig when he pulled out the second condom.
Apparently he doesn't remember leaving the bar
If I spent $100 at the bar and didn't get laid I wouldn't want to remember anything either
bought some hannah montana deodorant. hope it doesnt make me smell untalented
I seriously think I have a tan line on my stomach from getting a boner while in the taning bed.
She just asked me if I was going to kiss her cat goodby too... This is why we don't stay till last call.
just saw a couple drunkenly stumble over to the family planning aisle of Walgreens. inspiring.
And drunk me decided to play keep away with sober me's dignity
I really want to throw this drink in your face but it was 6 dollars that shits expensive
at crossfit today a guy shit his pants while deadlifting 405 lbs. coach made fun of him then congratulated him on his new personal record.
If I had your job the next day id be on the news. And not the good news. Like fox & friends. Nancy grace would have my ass.
We're trying to make our wedding vows nice but meeting on OkCupid fucks that up entirely.
Passing out drunk in my therapists lobby may not be the best way to confirm my "stability"
I thought I came here to hook up, not for a Study Abroad 101 session
Hitting up all my dealers for my birthday grams is paying off
Randomize
