I decided that not getting a job after college is gods way of telling me I will make a great housewife
his electricity got shut off. i felt like a pilgrim searching for his dick.
Well, I woke up with a text message from my cab driver that said "I hope you're alive," so that's a good indicator of how I was acting last night.
the elusive kegmastree, who's mystery is only exceeded by it's power
We need to play Chardee MacDennis. Contact me when you have an available date. This is not a question.
I vaguely remember having a cowboy explain his belt buckle to me in the bathroom hallway
DONT LET HIM GET NAKED. JUST SAY NO
I don't want a mention or even a whisper of a Shakespeare Festival by that or any other name including, but not limited to, a fucking Renaissance Fair. Are we clear? It will be a DEALBREAKER .
I am not working on the very first day I can throw up alcohol that I legally bought and drank.
well i don't NEED my liver but it's nice to have one when you're trying to have a good time
If God invented something better than rough, drunken, lesbian sex he kept that shit to himself.
Are you in a good mood because I stuffed you with enchiladas, ice cream, penis, and cuddles last night?
My boss and I ended up at the same strip club. We both got lap dances while talking about work.
Definitely didn't just make out with a guy the same height as me just because we wanted to see what it would be like to not have to reach up....
The best part of being a lesbian? If I'm late for work at a hookup's place I can use her make up and peace out. Well and all the sex of course.
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