I was in the bathroom and her cat just looked at my penis with a profound hatred.
I totally understand Scottish logic. No underwear+skirt=great
I just did my online traffic school at the bar. No biggie.
I have 11 glasses of water and one beer on the table infront of me. Have to keep going to different bartends to get more. There are only two though and I think they've caught on
I really hope he dies in a tragic kegstand mishap
Did you really just use your nipple as a unit of measurement?
He caught a squirrel with his bare hands twice. Where do you find these people?
He went all Bachlorette on me.. "I just want to guard and protect your heart" bullshit
I'm in a hotel full of Marines. I'm leaving here pregnant.
Some lady old enough to be our mom took us home, made me eggs and he still got some. Where do I claim my best wingman/sister trophy?
I'm mad at him and disappointed with you. It's like I put a bunch of effort into a PowerPoint of "what not to do with Zach" to show you and the first bullet point was "do not love him" and you're just disregarding all my effort and friendship.
I have to make mistakes myself to learn from them
FUCK YOU I AM MAKING A POWERPOINT
I swear to all that is holy, next time you get my mom high with your "special bake sale" I am going to put your dick in the blender.
I think he has some internal "man stuff" that keeps getting in the way.
Like alcoholism and general douchbagary.
You know you're an upperclassmen when you go to a party with no makeup, wet hair, weed socks, and no shoes, take a shot ski, then leave
Try me, you 5'5 gremlin
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