And if not, hey- I've never had a restraining order before, so that will be cool
It could be our claim to fame
Done. I'll pack a cooler.
You are the sheppard guiding my vagina away from horrible decisions.
i wrote down the address for planned parenthood on the back of the receipt for the condom that broke
Its a Guy he gets weed for. I'm kinda confused as to why there are going to even be tuxedos involved at all.
Idk what else to talk about besides you paying for half of my vaginaplasty.
Earned the respect of a group of freshman by chugging Das Boot while hanging out a window and lost it shortly after by wrecking a clown bike into them.
My dog just threw up a condom. Sorry for accusing you of not wearing one, I found it now.
Mystery solved. Def had ice creme last night. There is a melted half eaten ice creme bar next to the bed. Which had melted onto my pillow. That explains why it was in my hair too. Im a fucking sherlock holmes over here.
As a matter of fact, I am on the treadmill with the Bottle of UV Blue as we speak.....
Well while you were being a dick I was taping back together a cougars broken heart
Aaaand the winner of the worst decision of Sunday night goes to me as I pull up to his house in my lingerie.
Well. Now I feel like I put pants on for nothing.
I just watched an old episode of Daria while eating brownies to cure day drunkness. Clearly I'm winning at adulting today.
Forget work, lets run away, rob banks, and have kinky sex with fuzzy handcuffs.
IT'S LIKE YOU READ MY MIND.
Next time I say "i forgot to eat dinner, oh well" before drinking STRAP ME TO A CHAIR AND FORCE FEED ME BEFORE ALLOWING ME TO CONSUME BOOZE
Randomize
