I'm timing the release of my poops to the sound of the machine gun from the video game he's playing in the living room.
Update. It gets worse. A) he's done viagra and B) he wears socks at all times.
i knew it was going to be a good night when i was bleeding, licked it and it tasted like miller light
On my way home I stopped at target and bought beer and galoshes. I am a planner.
should my break up email to my English professor be in MLA format?
You obviously dont comprehend the level of insane i operate at
After a certain point, you just want to make it work. Prove to yourself that you're smarter than the vibrator.
I just learned a new drink. Sloppy Ninja. Half Saki Half Nyquil
The closest thing to a sext that you will ever receive from me is a picture of pepperonis on Greg's asscheeks, clenching.
Nm. Exausted and my teeth just fell out again
He broke up with me over the phone while I was getting my bush waxed into a "D" for his surprise birthday present. Talk about bad timing...
She showed up in lingerie and a turtle backpack full of bacardi. I think its love.
Today I learned that when you lick a mans butthole, you get wined and dined at a nice french restaurant.
Don't be hating on my everclear. Never taken a smoother journey into intoxication.
He shit in the fireplace
Randomize