two pink lines on a pregnancy test is bad, isn't it?
only if you didn't want to fuck up your life.
i think you ate grass..but you refused to open your mouth so we could see..
and now that ive poetically compared your vagina to a nuclear missile, I hope youre prepared for this date.
What color are my eyes?
Ummmm... 34 C?
I bet it kind of sucks while you do community service I'm getting blown in the shower. haha
So this is what you do on your hungover days off put your balls into an egg carton?
"If it gets you high just do it" I told him he was the Nike of drug abuse
Ps I'm glad our relationship hasn't progressed into having to get married so we legally can't testify against each other
I'm sure we could go all project runway on our diapers and create some flattering absorbent thongs. We could do it on the Boat. Call it project rumway.
The bathroom smells like ribs. What did you do?
When do you sleep by the way. I was surprised when I went to work at 1 am,left at 7 am and had a text from you somewhere in between
I just vodka nap now...
So is that the only criterion for shenanigans now? Don't die?
The fact that I am laying in bed on my stomach with an ice pack on my rump is a clear indication that I am no longer in my carefree 20s
I have no idea what happened last night, but my pee is neon green.
I'm about 40% drunk. You know, not drunk enough to light the bar on fire, but drunk enough to let the cougar hit on me.
Randomize
