"you've got the devil in yuh. the curse of Jesus is coming on your sex soon." That's what a homeless guy just told me.
Where is the hickey?
He really likes Obama...and Bill Clinton too. He said "I mean, how many presidents can say that they got head in the oval office?"
Soulmates.
he keeps trying to sext me and all I can do is respond with descriptions of what im eating.
And with me just getting pulled over and you maxing your card out on tennis balls I don't know if we can afford it
Horrible. I told her my girlfriend is in the hospital and she tried to give me a lapdance.
How could you not respond to a text containing the words "goat man" ?!?
I will blow you tomorrow if you bring me food tonight. Like a payment plan
The only thing he had going for him was mad fingering skills. the ONLY thing. crayons have a wider circumference.
Next time you're baked eat baked beans and potato chips together. Like dip them in the beans. It's so good
Do u like your dick pics shot in hotdog or hamburger orientation?
My vagina was just really confused why you weren't inside it
Two big black bouncers picked you up and escorted you to the elevator.
I didn't even do anything wrong. For all they knew I could have been on the US Olympic Gymnastic team. Would they kick Gabby Douglas out of a bar? I don't think so.
You kept trying to make cocktails with my protein powder last night...
I WAS KIDDING ABOUT SLUTEMBER BUT ITS ACTUALLY HAPPENING
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