Apparently they shut down a cook out cause people were selling drugsout the drive thru. Nice to be home
It's noon and i am somehow drinking by myself in a jazz tent in broad daylight.
Nothing says "You're all grown up now" like setting up your 401k with shitty underwear.
The guy at the liquor store just checked my id and said "oh it's you"
I would describe it as pure and unadulterated shock, mixed with horror and a touch of nausea.
All i have left of him are the magnum X-Large condoms he left in my room, knowing full well that no other guy I hook up with will be able to fill his shoes. He taunts me.
Typcal friday morning so far. Puke, shower, commute/puke, coffee, puke, coffee, bagel, good to go. Lunch today?
BEST FEELING EVER: Standing in a hot fucking shower, while super baked, while eating a cookie.
You eat cookies in the shower?
Can you explain to me why there are fake boobs glued on my chest?
I moved out... There's nothing left but his childhood trophies...
You should make him a new one, you know like "you suck at relationships but thanks for trying participation award"
I wouldn't be too worried. He's been known to chase a chubby before.
THAT IS NOT HOW YOU TALK TO YOUR SISTER
We just took an Eskimo family picture.. It's pretty cute honestly
If my emotions are below a 3 or above a 7, I'm crying
Today I learned that I have a bigger dick than Draymond Green
dude where did you go last night?
when the tequila says to run, you start running.
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