the sex was like sticking it in a jar of mayonnaise
From now on, just let me go home. I'm tired of hooking up with your roommates... Including you.
I went to check the drunk texts i sent last night but my phone deleted them already. Even my phone is ashamed.
It's ok for me to have his baby but I can't be his friend on fb. Wth is wrong with this
Hey wes just called me saying he was asleep outside by the pond at my apt complex
That dick who always called me a slut in high school showed up at the clinic with boner problems. Then I was assigned as his nurse. Who's laughing now. I AM.
Just come here and visit. Enjoy the deliciousness of me being legal. Just don't think, and come here right meow. meow meow meow.
Wanna tell me why vodka seeped out of the memory foam when I climbed into my bed?
I like to balance the number of cups of coffee to bong rips in the morning before work.
For sure. Gotta go. Building an igloo.
He tried to puke in the 14th hole and when I told him to stop he started chanting "hole in one hole in one"
You can't just walk around stealing hats from drunk boys and peeing in bathtubs. Turn down.
I had to switch coats with someone at work because you can see the giant sex choke bruise on my neck. Being kinky is hard.
It's 5AM and I just stirred weed butter into ramen noodles. This is not where I expected to be at 30. ...But, hey, getting high off noodles.
I know you like got hit by a car but do you want to come to my birthday pardi
Randomize
