hey can you give me head? jesse told me that you're really good
who is this?
jesse's little brother
do you think they make care bear costumes for cats?
I just woke up to me licking the dognuts
You mean Doughnuts?
......No :(
So after the reception we snuck back into the church for drunken hook up. we passed out there and woke up in time for 6am mass still dressed from the wedding. spiritually trashy or classy?
She touched you, you're now contaminated for 48 hours. Please watch out for rashes, hives and STDs as she's known to have all three.
i dunno what you eat but your cum is all over my underwear and it smells like pretzels
I made two strippers play rock paper scissors to see who would give me a lap dance last night
She said she wanted to have closure sex.
They left at like 4. I got up to help clean their house this morning and we found his pants. No ones heard from him, we're all a little scared.
You're gonna judge me.
Howd you sleep with him already
He is sitting on the foor in the soup aisle saying "to each their own soup"
Let us bow our heads and pray that I don't throw up in the tub
I need a "no soliciting" sign for your dick
Goddamnit, guys. I got lube all over my kindle.
This date is awful. He’s too boring to bang
Is porn accurate? Can I order a pizza and do the delivery boy?
Randomize
