bella threw up all over the kitchen floor then looked at me, laughed, and walked away
isn't bella the cat???
that she is
I'm at work and it's 1:30. I need a beer. is that bad?
Welcome to every minute of my life.
I just pulled a feather out of my vagina.
I am not joking.
we put on a show in the hot tub for our boyfriends, then climbed out and both got down on our hands and knees and puked at the same time--still naked.
his blackberry tasks were 1. take names and 2. kick ass
You guys were grinding to YMCA. I knew you were going to hook up with him.
I mean I had a leg brace. It would have been irresponsible for me to be on top.
All I remember is holding on to the elevator asking it politely to stop spinning
I can't answer my phone I'm at work
I slept with a male stripper last night. Priorities
The window painters skipped us. They didn't know what to do with the giant SMOKE WEED in the window. So they just skipped it.
Who am I sleeping next to in your bed? Where are you? Also when are you coming home... I need coffee.
He woke up, yelled "RALLY!" and then puked in my glove compartment
Just because you have put things in my vagina does not mean you know me
There are flour footprints all over the house. Either u guys are trying to pull that Paranormal Activity shit on me again, or u got drunk and tried to make pancakes.
I do not recommend playing football on LSD like at all
Randomize
