So I just did the walk of shame at dunkin... A lady told me me I was really dressed up and I told her I was going to a luncheon.
just by requesting 'I think we're alone now', not only did you achieve emptying the bar, but you also rubbed it in the owners face.
Roller skating + drunkeness + peeing = mess
Signed everyone in my dorm up for free samples of astroglyde. Took me an hour. Happy new years!!!!!
How many ice cream sandwiches is an acceptable meal replacement?
2.5
OK, the bar's closing. Do I go to home to my wife or my girlfriend?
I didn't even realize you were getting that drunk until bam!
is bam when I fell down the stairs or when I threw up standing at the bar?
Currently flirting with a 57 year old. Why do i do this
I'm going to have to take an awkward trip to the front desk to ask them if they found a pair of turquoise shorts and an "I'm the Mom" sweatshirt.
Remind me not to get naked underneath a tree I'm allergic to again.
Brightest idea yet: lets drink enough at ladies-drink-free nights to make up for the cost of tampons. Breaking even on having vaginas!
Vodka and Jamison is not a mixed drink
My dreams last night were filled with sex and quidditch.
I was covered in mud from my knees down, I smelt like the inside of a port-a-potty and only had mascara on one eye. . . so you know your usual Sunday brunch.
idk he wanted to trade sex for a triple order of hashbrowns
AND YOU SAID NO?????????
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