M and I are hungry and we are making your pizza in the fridge. But you're having sex and we're not so we dont feel bad.
i wanted a birthday blowjob. not a birthday VD.
I woke up to a paper award certificate for best blow job and he was gone. You're welcome mystey man.
Look what our sorority has done to us...we're hitting on girls in hopes of getting an awesome little.
Half my make-up was stuck to his thigh where I'd fallen asleep after the blowjob.
youre not allowed to be friends with girls ive double teamed. period.
P.S. The slutty NASCAR driver costume will be saved and used year round for role play.
I'm still not sure if it was intentional, but the chiropractor definitely cradled his balls on my shoulder. He even seemed to adjust the sack for comfort. I think I should be flattered. He is a doctor, after all..
If you are drunk already, then as your friend I am advising you to stop writing on your dads Facebook wall
No really tho I'm wearing a chucky cheese shirt and yoga pants. If that doesn't scream no sex idk what does
The ratio of last drink to last smoke is so tricky. This could go on until the booze is gone
Wake up we need to beat the walk of shame rush hour
Commuter bitches be judging your sister and her bag fulla wine. It's a motherfucking rosé, bitch!
Oh, I also stabbed a guy Friday and he still asked me out
I mean we all knew i was gonna get arrested eventually but shoplifting is lame so dont tell anyone. Well just let them assume public nudity or something
Randomize
