i don't plan on having that self control this summer
My brain says no but my pants say off.
When I saw him standing at full height, I realized exactly how much his body structure reminds me of his penis.
this girl and her friend just showed up at my house. standing together, theylook exactly like the number 10. this has cockblock written alllllll over it.
I just gave the bartender my number in roman numerals. If she figures it out, she's worth a shot
And the horses in Central Park have blankets. And Rafiki just told me "it is time" in the back of our cab.
I would have done it. But then again I am a starving student who can manipulate my brain into thinking my decision was somehow morally justifiable.
You know it's been a rough year when your therapist mouth is just wide open. And I didn't even get to the real issue!
Idk, you were a drunk pirate that kept stealing pieces of people's costumes to keep as your booty.
That would explain all the random shit in my room...
I'm going to be drunk and braless all weekend. Let the festivities begin!
Well I woke up at my house so that's a plus. But I'm pretty sure I peed on my sofa because I woke up in the pee position.
I put in a tampon while driving a moving vehicle. I feel like this is simultaneously a new low and the sort of feat that deserves a merit badge.
Bad news man, we're gonna have to reschedule Golden Coral: The Musical
I don't know who the fuck this is, but right on man
Im riding the bus with beer in one hand and chapagne in the other. I love weddings.
It smells like graded cheese and febreze in the family room what the hell have you been up to???
Randomize