my mom walked in on my vaccuming.......i wasnt vaccumming
I feel like tequila is Gods way of lighting my fuse to do something awesome
It's one thing to send dick shots. It's a whole other thing to send unimpressive dick shots while wearing crocs.
You just kept yelling, "THAT'S THE POWER OF PINESOL, BABY!"
Dont be alarmed when you find the maintenance guy passed out on your couch. I didn't to explain why I was there so I offered him a drink, I dont know what happened after that.....
Oh no I would never do that to her. But when you're single again let me know. Cheating penis is definitely better than single penis. But she has claws.
Went outside and he was playing rock paper scissors with a cop over a drunk in public ticket.
he only noticed i dyed my hair purple like halfway through sex and he looked really shocked and he just said "You look like Barney." as he came.
I'm on the porch day drinking and the neighbor is in his yard screaming about his amazing sandwiches, maybe we should move.
we got cupcakes after we fucked. gives a whole new meaning to sugar daddy
I woke up missing my shoes and my left eyebrow. MY. EYEBROW.
Just googled myself and a bunch of boob shots of me came up. Apparently my phone automatically uploaded them to my google plus.
Please google me ASAP and ensure I corrected this...
I'm basically the yoda of knowing when someone wants to sleep with you
Should I rub the neighbors amazon package in the dog shit they left on the front steps?
....even the bartender was embarrassed for her
Randomize
