if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
as for my dating sex life, no more regret sticks. Only pride wands from now on.
so i did it. i barked while i was ejaculating. not a word was said by either of us afterwards.
so how much did i say i owed you?
$5 and a new fuck buddy.
the next pure michigan commercial i see, i am going to pee in a fucking lake
apparentely "Beer Pong Champ" is not a profession, no wonder they havent called me back......
told ya
I swear my cock just shook it's head disapprovingly at me.
should I fuck that poor girl
no dude she won't be able to afford a fucking abortion
I tried carrying you from the bathroom to your bed and you begged me to bring the toilet too
I've heard so many rumors about me being taken home in an ambulance I'm starting to believe them.
Sorry, but you probably shouldn't come over. I'm too sober for this.
sitting alone on a bench with a sombrero and a bottle of vodka. really angry i got here before you guys.
I was figuring I'd break up with her after work, but before Taco Tuesday
Apparently I was drunk enough to call he police station and ask if there was a problem with me.
"They let me see the x-ray. My nose is broken. I saw it. It was cool. Well, I guess it would be cooler if it wasn't my nose."
i have two papers due tomorrow. contemplating if i should take adderall in my anus for full effects
Randomize
