he smells like the inside of heather mills' fake leg
I think we should see other people.
Already working on it.
You put a thong on my pumpkin didn't you.
just got tipped $5 to put a barbie in a waffle cone and drip caramel sauce on it while a group of dudes cheered and one took pics. 90% sure they were sober
She seriously pointed at the couch and asked me if she could "ride the talking giraffe". I'll never serve everclear again.
sorry
why?
oh you didn't look in the living room yet, did you?
We told you to go get more fire wood and you came running back with a log that was on fire, not drunk at all.
I don't remember... but puking on the bar sounds like me.
can i text him and be like "oh yeah, forgot i kinda made out with a girl this weekend. For future reference, does this count as cheating?" ?
we're decorating our christmas cookies with birth control. so pretty.
She swallowed the key to the cuffs, I've been having to explain the pink fuzz all morning.
I am drunk at 8am listening to Cyndi Lauper and dressed up in a penguin suit
Hey! Happy Birthday! Could you do me a favor and bring my underwear to the bar?
I just walked across town, stoned off my ass and barefoot in 35 degree weather for him to bust five mins in and then apologize 13 times as I got dressed.
it was like where's waldo, only the stakes were much higher.
Randomize
