well I can't set my house on fire every night
that's the type of pussy you go to the bathroom and wack off before you fuck her, just to last longer inside of her!
6 figure salary? he just got a little cuter.
Why do you have Season One of Reba in your underwear drawer?
Why are you in my underwear drawer?
The kid in front of me is videochatting and typing to his gf. I should make poop/sex faces over his shoulder, right?
Farmville is her only friend.
dude relax anyone of us could have gotten that girl pregnant
I was hidding Easter eggs in CHURCH this morning when one of the older men came up to me and said "I always knew you'd be a bunny just not the Easter kind" ... Our congregation obviously has high hopes for their pastor's daighter
Just got cockblocked by coyotes. This would happen to me.
Started with us just having a beer. Now Ivan lit a torch to walk to the store, Ben smashed a 26 in the parking lot, and they're throwing broken shot glasses. Fratio Friday is something.
we're going to drop off one of our cars at the police station tonight so we'll be able to drive home in the morning
That ACT prep teacher knew i was hung. I could see it in her eyes.
I feel like i'm walking on a never-ending field of baby sheep.
I am such a fucking liability at weddings. I ended up making out with this married 40-year-old that told me that basically if I came home with him and be a sex partner for him and his wife, I would never have to pay for anything again. Extremely considered it.
The only words I could make out were "Dicksmash McIroncock".
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