I was so drunk last night i ate cereal with a fork.
She was so bad on top that i found myself watching a TV that wasn't even turned on
Now there's vomit covered trash all over the front lawn. I feel accomplished
Just asked my dog if he was proud of me for making it home. That drunk.
Are we hungover?
I got a lapdance from a gay guy in red uggs and spandex shorts with reindeer antlers on. And I don't remember it. Hungover does not even cover it.
I got kicked out of the hotel after wandering into the banquet kitchen at 2am trying to find the shrimp....so we're power napping in the car and then driving to madison.
Sorry, but when you makeout with a guy in a panda suit, you know something has to change.
Monday funday. I brushed my teeth with antibacterial soap. hangover I did not have.
I think i'm the first person to get kicked out of a club while completely sober. Come outside please!!
It wouldn't be New Years Eve if we knew where we would be at midnight
She rode my dick so hard I momentarily lost hearing. I guarantee I had the better St Patrick's.
You ever feel like just rubbing your face in everything like a dog?
He licked the buffalo sauce off my fingers and then we had the best sex of my life.
The night they met I slept with both of them. Of course I'm best man.
Met this british guy. Played pool. Broke into an apartment and had sex
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