its like the voldemort of pregnancies, we don't talk about it
Hey, don't feel sorry for me, the two girls in front of me just ordered 18 dollars worth of taco bell. Life could be worse.
After he told me that it's up to him to carry on his family name, I almost felt bad for not letting him cum inside me.
i chugged some hot sauce before i gave him head. i think a burning penis is a great way to say fuck you
theres a turtle on the table. helping me eat my ramon noodles.
threw up on my 7.30 AM placement test. Never again
I saw a guy do a line this morning in line to start the 5k, happy thanksgiving!
I was grossed out that all their candles smelled like vagina and then I remembered where my fingers had been.
I just hit your bf in the face with a mustard bottle and the guy at the table next to us bowed down to me.
I've discovered my ability to crush a man's ego is greater than my hate for beer.
The name of the man in your bed is not Ryan. I can't remember what his name is but that is wrong
I may have just masturbated while on hold with the IRS. don't judge me
The number of threesomes I have agreed to seems to increase every time I talk to you drunk...
I made an executive decision to rename my Resume file to something other than MONEYMONEYMONEY.
my penis made a compromise with my morals
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