dude i totally did the walk last night came out of her room to see her dad sitting there straight lookin at me...wtf
It was like doing yoga with his dick in me
you left your dildo in my car
rules of finders keepers apply
This is why you don't make out with cougars at a bar... I got a linkedin request from her, wtf?
good thing vaginas are great cup holders
gettin drunk isnt as much fun when i can use my own id for it
yeah, that's what i said too. right before i tackled that street sign.
Hes pre-made beer lollipops so he "can suck before the sex" QUOTE!
KNEE DEEP IN HOES. SEND HELP.
He also gave me two gold stars for sex. On my nipples.
I need a new best friend. Someone who drinks like a fish, hooks up enough to raise eyebrows, and isn't afraid to admit that masturbation is the second best way to spend time. Someone like me! Help me put up posters.
You're wasting your dick. It needs to be bestowed upon the masses.
I wasn't that gone.
Dude, you cried and said how sorry you were when we asked why you had the dip.
people keep driving by and judging me for drinking natty outside in my underwear at 9 am. rude.
He’s actually a personal trainer. He said he hasn’t taught yoga in a while but the stripper prefers to introduce him as a yoga teacher
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