There's just this way he looks at me that makes me want to suck his soul out through his dick.
some kid came into the principals office and tried to explain what he was sent there for through interpretive dance.
you made me watch la bamba, and then you yelled at me for disrespecting your mexican heritage.
All I've consumed over the last couple days is Vanilla Coke, semen, and Coors. I don't think today will be any different.
For when you/if you wake up tomorrow.. You broke 4 of the bar's glasses tonight and I am currently watching you as you ride the broom around the bar instead of cleaning up your mess. I am no longer able to come up with excuses for you.
The last bar we left there was a sausage stand right outside and I apparently felt bad those guys were working that late, so I bought a $9 sausage, gave it to some drunk kid and said "I support local businesses!!" I'd say I've done my civic duty.
My pubes were yanked out by the root when they got caught in the condom. I think it's time for a bikini wax.
being sober in physics class makes me realize the regularity with which i show up to it still drunk
Like I've never seen her that drunk. She's usually like quiet and doesn't say she'll fuck someone on a futon
I cannot even describe to you the most amazing ass I have ever had the pleasure of seeing walk up the stairs in front of me just now.
it's like i'm making a family tree of tunnel buddies for my vagina
we went to go get waffles and then i sucked his dick in a parking lot. average tuesday.
I just matched the dude who's car I rear ended 2 years ago on tinder. I don't think he remembers.
Still riding the magical train of drugs so, yeah, Id say I feel great
I'll text you tomorrow when I'm not in someone's torture cave if I don't by noon call for help.
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