I just sneezed and it tasted like taco bell.
You then began crawling around in the grass with a magnifying class saying you were searching for the magic school bus.
Drank another frat president under the table. Thinking of starting my own, gonna call it Alpha Phi Alcoholics
It's okay, I climbed on the roof of the bar to get my shoe back. This may become a Saturday tradition. I'll keep you updated
If I EVER think it's a good idea to blow someone who just showed me their synchronized swimming performance on youtube again please correct me immediately.
Well. It was around 3 or 4 in the morning. He ran into the woods. Wearing moccasins. Holding an extension cord. He was trying to catch a deer. That about sums up the awesomeness of the night.
May or may not have just lost a contact hanging out Anthony's sunroof. Drunk. Hint: I can only see out of one eye right now.
Her fortune said that she will soon be free. She's taking her bra off at the table.
Please come over, I'm slowly melting into a ball of sexual frustration. If I'm not dead by the end of the day be very surprised.
He just stays over and makes naked pancakes in the morning
How do you get the "hangs out with drunk assholes" insurance
i just want to die with dignity and clean teeth, is that too much to ask?
MY HISTORY TEACHER IS FUCKING MY MOTHER. I am downstairs and i can hear the squeak of the bedsprings please I swear to god pick me up THIS INSTANT.
I just came in my own mouth don't ask me how cuz it really hurt and felt good at the same time.
Wakes up in a cold sweat at 3am, 136 unread messages and the preview on the notification is "I JUST GOT TO THE INCEST PART"
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