You picked the wrong day to call in sick. She's wearing the librarian glasses today.
the only reason he called me tonight was because I fertilized his crops on farmville.
i luv seein jocks study. its like watching monkeys masturbate.
I just read the lonely terrorist on nwa had 40 more friends than me on facebook
at what point did putting a bag of doritos in the freezer seem like a really good idea?
I have no idea. After the fireworks it all went to shit. Do you know why I woke up with a road sign?
beware of the wheat thins...there might be a knife in it
Woke up Christmas Eve morning with my face smelling like ballsack.. No regrets.
My vagina bone hurts from grinding on that dude so hard.
We are so blessed to to have nicely shaped vaginas
I thank god almighty everyday
You pole danced in your parka.
I feel like you're gonna be reading this at 6 AM in a ditch or under a bridge, but please remember...I offered to drive you home. And you said no.
The sad thing is that it's 6:45 and you're not far off.
Fair warning birthday party last night avoid kitchen & upstairs bathroom if you value your remaining sanity
I snapchatted him 4 pictures of me as Tarzan's dad so if he never talks to me again at least we'll know why
I did a line off of, and then danced on top of a table older than this country.
Harvard is great.
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