It wasn't long before I skipped the martini glass and went straight to drinking from the shaker.
A true measure of a good friend is how long she responds to her friends drunken illogical texts. Youre a champ.
I just called my cat a slut and she responded. Proudest moment ever.
I think i can make this amish girl legitimately hot.
He said i looked like a shooting star sprawled out on the floor while i puked and i kept blaming "senor cuervo" for doing me dirty.
I bought you a small gift as a preemptive apology for being a drunken slut tonight.
I'm not asking you to commit. I'm politely asking your penis to be my friend.
BURNT NIPPLES ARE UNHAPPY NIPPLES.
She said she's different now I guess anytime you get a bible tatt it automatically cancels out all the whoring you did for 10 years
I think the biggest problem with being overhigh is when the kitchen was on fire and I was pointing and laughing and eating rootbeer oreos like it was fucking Ozzfest 2000
I'm still hammered too. I started tweeting the time at one point I'm pretty sure.
Happy hour crawl turned into power happy hour turned into tequila shots turned into I'm drunk in class on Cinco de Mayo at 7 am.
My grandma just invited me to gate crash a funeral for the free food. Priorities.
Is it in poor taste to drop acid before midnight mass?
I love this.
Bahahah I should. I’m the free range drunk girl who should clearly not be free range because who knows what kind of fuckery I would get into
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