remember the good old days of high school when a half gal would last for more than a nite
Just getting around to doing laundry. Jesus there's a lot of blood on my birthday dress.
you haven't felt a hangover until you wake up after a night of snorting tequila.
they are using this drunk girl like a spin the bottle in the hot tub, whoever she lands on she makes out with.
Its a good thing the lights were off cuz Im pretty sure the look on my face when I touched his penis would have offended him
i will be the first lesbian to ever fail women's studies.
We're trying to decide between cracker barrel an the ER
i know i shouldn't tell you this since i want you to really like me but i just spent the last 4 hours sleeping on the toilet.
He passed out in the car on the way to the party. Seabiscuit tripped before the race even started....Lil bitch....
They finally caught us and banned us forever, but it was worth it because we didn't have to pay for light bulbs for at least 3 years.
So you stole light bulbs, from your favorite bar, and got banned, and you're happy?
Look we couldnt pay for light bulbs and ramen, and you can't eat light bulbs or cook in the dark. Win - win.
I just found your ripped underwear on my chandelier. Care to explain?
My hot gay tattoo artist grew a beard and I'm not taking it well.
so in case you needed a ticket for the Hot Mess Express, I'm the conductor now.
I'm the only person I know who could have actual sex and then dream about my vibrator.
Oh man I missed being single! Two different guys just sent me dick pics during my kid’s little league game.
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