Anal astronaut?
Wow word travels fast.
this text is just filler to avoid a lull in the conversation
we fucked while he was on the clock. He didnt even take off his bullet proof vest. Dont tell me thats not bad ass.
some guy just burried his vomit in the sand.
I was ready to fuck him until he pulled the "I might be bi curious" card. Now its turned into a guilt fuck. It's like he's a 3rd world child in need of a sexual orientation.
Also I think he would slowly, painfully, die. You really can't live without a penis. You'd explode.
I was about to smoke a bunch of weed and lay naked while I cried all day
Ughhhh. Finnnneeeeee. I'll have sex with your brother. Sheesh. The things I do for you woman.
I've literally never felt worse
My body feels like its decomposing
Good morning! Just thought I'd give you my yearly reminder that we lost our virginities 7 years ago, yesterday.
That's the best creepy text ever.
he's had a change of heart. and besides, we could use a laugh.
oh, well, if you all need a good laugh, by all means endanger my life.
i woke up in just my thong, face first on my bed with all the lights on. how hungover do you think i felt?
Saw a thong on the yellow lines of the street when I left this morning, are they yours by any chance?
Too hungover to brush my teeth. took a swig of menthol schnapps instead. lazy or incredibly efficient?
Youre my hero
It occurred to me today, whilst I was on the phone to boyfriend number 1, whilst in the car with boyfriend number 2 who was dropping me at the shops to meet boyfriend number 3 to help me buy a present for boyfriend number 4 that I should be having much more sex than I am.
Randomize