Her name is Sherri and her sister's are Brandy and Champagne. Of course I want to meet her parents.
I have a cup of vodka in my bathroom with a straw in it. Yes, I am ready for this bikini wax.
He waited until after foreplay to tell me that he didn't have a condom and "we" would just have to settle for a bj tonight...
They poured beer (3 cans) down the toilet so bubbles can be drunk in fishy heaven
I'm never waking up next to someone after sex again. It's alllll downhill from there.
i wondered why i had so many splinters in my hand, then i went out to my car and remembered id stolen an entire cactus
I though us hooking up in the field was your way of saying you were an outdoors person
So the " I'm gay but curious" thing worked. You owe me 50 bucks.
I feel you. We can get adjoining rooms. It'll be like Disney world, but with drugs and ivs instead of roller coasters and Mickey Mouse.
Which is way cooler
The only difference between us and a pack of 14 year old girls is substance abuse
Best thing she said after I kicked her out "rugby guys have single handedly ruined my faith in men"
Hey can you send me a copy of my mugshot? I need it to prove a point
The guy who's car I hit last night just followed me on Twitter...not sure how to feel about it.
Good news, my sex bruises are fading. Bad news, my boobs look like I have a skin disease because of it.
I just want you to know when I bang him in the back of my car later I'll have pony by ginuwine on repeat
Randomize
