Do you ever make guys send you dick pictures just cause it's hilarious?
I'm so hungover i just sang the alphabet to see if "Z" comes after "W"
Did you know they have alcohol AND weed delivery in Canada??? I'm not EVER coming home
What kind of person begs for a BJ from someone who just got their wisdom teeth out?
It's an open bar on a yacht... I'm going to drown.
Meeting relatives from another state drenched in tequila and smelling of weed. I'm gonna kill you for soaking the only bra I brought in Jose Cuervo Gold.
I feel like his penis would have a weird haircut because he does.
Sometimes crazy just comes naturally. I don't need booze to say that on occasion I feel the need to rip off my asshole and throw it against the fridge to see if it sticks.
I just call them the hipster frat because they wear shirts other than pastel polos and listen to MGMT while playing dice.
So we were having sex and his roommate walks in eating a bag of chips. Then proceeds to talk to us about his bitch of a professor.
Did he at least offer you guys chips?
I'd cum for enchiladas.
I mean in all honesty I would let James Franco shit on my chest. End of story
She asked me to dress as captain planet for halloween and told me she was gonna suck the pollution out of my dick.
I'm slowly getting to where I don't hate people anymore.
Never mind. Some random dude just walked past me and asked if I was having fun. I snarled at him. I might still kinda hate people.
wyd
Laying here debating on if i want a sandwich or an orgasm.
Randomize
