I think my hot accountant is wearing banana republic. I miss the days when that ='ed gay. Signals are so confusing now.
I just took the soap out of the bathroom and hid it... this way I could see if she would say anything. you know, to see how clean she was
I should just wear a shirt that says "Im Sorry" on the front because the second we land in Vegas, I'm going to be a fuckin trainwreck.
The night was doomed the minute I started taking shots with an apple as a chaser.
They asked if I wanted to shotgun a beer and before i could ask who had a knife they all had bit holes into the cans. Im never leaving Germany!
And yes, in case u were wondering a 25 year old high school agriculture teacher did just hit on me At Walmart bc of my pinata
I don't even know why im sitting in this office eating a poptart.
I knew you would eventually ask my secret. Pedialite mix drinks. Works wonders.
just go where the car takes you. fingers crossed its here with breakfast.
KNEE DEEP IN HOES. SEND HELP.
They should just send me home - I'm literally doing nothing but watching porn and listening to pandora.
I was about to share my drunken story from the weekend, but two friends getting married and one finding out she's pregnant makes Saturday in jail look a little suspect.
I never thought it would be so hard to find a power hour partner at 2 on a Wednesday
I left you a really long drunk voicemail and I remember something about a bat
Just landed in Atlanta. Still drunk. I can't feel my face
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