As far as classy things to do in front of your ex go, throwing up on your own shirt is not one of them.
I feel like I should I write an apology note to the frat for falling down stairs, passing out on the couch, and chugging the entire bottle of burnetts at semiforml last weekend. Apparently I was the main topic of discussion at their chapter meeting last night.
Just threw up in nordstroms while shopping for moms bday with dad. He distracted workers for me. No more tequila
We have a tower of vodka coming. OF VODKA
say 'i' if you broke up a fight involving your father at TD bank today....
Waking up next to a 3 inch puddle of water in my kitchen with a bathing suit on...what the fuck went on lastnight
He's high as balls tripping balls and doing a reenactment of the scene where Buzz jumps off the balcony and can't fly to his soundtrack of Toy Story.
This is America. Deny every slut accusation or own up to it
Dude, he's legal now. You could not pry me from his dick with the jaws of life.
I just turned down the best booty call of my life because I have to make a cheesecake. I guess this is growing up.
She was riding me and giving me score updates to the basketball game at the same time..... Shes a keeper
My boobs look fucktastic, I have a booty call on Sunday and a dick photo on my phone. Life is grand!
Last night I recall my hair going up in flames. This is evident by the burnt hair smell that is following me around this morning
OMG OMG OMG I just throwed up in his pillow case when he wentto start the sho wer, time to grab my bra and bounce!!!
Wow.
I. Am. Not. Tattooing. My. Penis.
Randomize
