Theres this tee in the mall and it says all girls just wanna have safe sex. U make me think thats a lie
How many pudding cups do I have to eat for it to count as dinner?
4.
Moved my bed either I'm a whore or every guy I have ever slept with hid condom wrappers under my bed
You went to church with your boobs hanging out?
Theyr'e a gift from god, I figured I should show him i'm using them well.
During sex he wiggled his hips and said "I'm turning the ice cream" Deal breaker?
How can it be called memorial day weekend....I don't even remember this weekend
Watching the tv in the reflection of my phone cause I'm too hungover to roll over.... Yes it is 4 PM...
Dude. I am seriously trying SO hard not to be amused by Honey Boo Boo. But the fact is, she just got a mani pedi with her gay uncle Poodle, and he got a discount because he only has nine toes, and I am ALL IN.
I yelled out look at all those hickeys. And then gave her boyfriend a high five
So what your saying is I can use her desperation to my advantage. Fuck, this must be how pretty girls feel.
I was just lying down, dumping goldfish into my mouth and they like all came out I thought I was going to choke and die and people would be like damn that's so sad, she died laying in bed stuffing her face and reading kanye wests twitter, damn.
Would you accept a fantastic blowjob as payment?
Is it weird that the girl I'm fucking just wished me luck on my date tonight?
im looking at the positives. number one it stopped me from hooking up with vince infront of his girl, number two it gave me something to do instead of throwing up and number three i fuckin rocked his world
I woke up naked and alone this morning. What a life
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