I think we need to take a brake
What upsets me the most about that is that you spelt it 'brake'
david just texted me. reply with photo of genitalia? y/n
when i told him i was pregnant with his baby he texted me 'congradulations'
i pity the fetus.
I'm talking like I woke up and her bra was spinning around caught on my ceiling fan
the most drunk i have ever been? possibly. the most drunk i have ever been on a monday? definently.
maybe next time you'll take an ex boyfriend warning you that she's batshit crazy as a warning instead of a challenge
I didn't realize I was holding it, until I was like, "whose baby is this?"
Today I'm judging my level of singleness on a scale of one to eat-a-can-of-frosting. It's not looking good for me.
Ooooh. Get funfetti
you were stumbling down richmond carrying a girl in a nurse costume. its not even halloween dude
i sucked his cock and got snuggles in return. I'm the mother Theresa of giving in a relationship.
Man my junk looks like a mangled grapefruit right now, this shit sucks.
I know what you meant. If you want babies in time for your birthday, we gonna need either a time machine or a ski mask.
It wasn't a great time! You grabbed me, picked me up, and make me pee in the sink!
Whelp, I woke up on the front lawn this morning. I have got to stop wearing these underwear. Every time I do, I end up puking in someone's greenery.
Who brings a stripper to breakfast at the dining hall? What was the plan? Impress her with his meal plan?
Randomize
