Booty call?
Dude you don't even follow my twitter
you need to know that there is a kid here wearing an i mosh for Jesus shirt
I am literally using a balloon as a pillow on a park bench.
There's something odd about buying beer for the first time while wearing my school sweater from kindergarten, but I don't mind.
I know. I know. The man who pulled me from my mother's womb was the same man who had his fingers in my vagina today. My life is a joke. I don't know how to feel about this.
Exact words that were just spoken as she was on her 6th, yes 6th piece of bread: "I'm only eating the soft and chewy inside of the bread-I am taking the crust home to feed my turtles"
No, that's just what we do when we hang out. We get drunk, have really awesome sex, then fight about why we never worked as a couple
Just ran into her dad at the strip club. He bought me a dance. I think i found a winner.
I wanted sex but got Ace Ventura: Pet Detective, instead. Then I had to drive 30 minutes home wet. Worst booty call, ever.
Sorry I couldn't reference you in my facebook quote. I will redirect any likes and comments straight to my blowjob efforts this week.
I think it's time for a new pick up line. So far my " hey you want to go back to my place, order a pizza and fuck?" Has set me at an all time low downtown 0/4
You popped the Plan B pill then clapped twice, said "mischief managed" and headed tward the bar.
I woke up to Elf. I don't know which one of you put that in my DVD player when I passed out but I appreciate you.
eh, I feel I'm heading for a breakdown and I need to get it out of the way before I start writing that lab report.
Well my mom knows that the welt I had on my forehead last month was the result of a sex accident. This holiday sucks
Randomize
