Best walk of shame ever. Not only did I not remember his name or the fact that we fucked, they all watched as I tried to get into 3 cars that werent mine
Oh and I threw up on myself...
i'm sitting in the library realizing that the 2 most productive things i did this weekend was have sex and go to the liquor store...
I told her I'd give her some of the cream I was using so she didn't get my warts. That's when I realized I was too drunk.
I am fine. Katie thinkr i broke things pole dancing. I am coherant.
Someone asked me why we were having sex on the porch last night. All I remember is him saying he wanted the recruits to see. This has got to stop.
He offered to teach me how hula hoop in exchange for acid. I took him up on it.
I vaguely remember seeing that couple making out in front of that store and i yelled "I ALSO LOVE THE ROCKY MOUNTAIN SOAP COMPANY!"
Just rolled up to a matinee showing of THE HOBBIT. At the dollar theater. Alone. In sweats. With a fifth of sunnybrook and leftover pizza in a ziplock. There's a dude here in cape with his elderly mother. I'm handling this breakup FIIIIIINE.
WHY AM I CRAWLING IN OLDER MEN HOLY JESUS
Captain America stopped by our tailgate. He ate a taco.
I'm hungover laying in my moms bed watching Space Jam.. Adult Life..
10/10 would definitely still fuck you dressed as squirrel
Which sister was it? The one I accidentally hit when my shoe flew off or the one I ate candy off of when we were high?
Sometimes being bisexual is a curse. Turns out I banged both of her older twin brothers last summer.
Ccatlin cimbing thru th sunroof plz come
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