Have you finally orgasmed yet?
There are 3 speedbumps now up. Think you can manage the urge to piss on them?
Aw shit! That's like putting me a in a room full of Captiain Crunch Donuts and Jasper Hale and not letting me put my mouth on either.
He actually believes he's not an alcoholic if he doesn't go to meetings.
a girl just told me i should have been born earlier in the alphabet
I just want to do a slip-and-slide into a giant pool of jello shots right now.
Just bought a breathalyzer and Sharpies, guess who thought of a new drinking game
Oh man I'm using the bubble wrap that wraped my new vibrator to wrap my dads fathers day gift
At least I look tastefully trashed. My nipples are hidden and I'm standing up.
Life just isn't the same without him waking me up at 4 in the afternoon with a look of pity on his face...
He was my shower sex Sherpa last night. And we both made it safely up the mountain.
Happy 420. I woke up to a girl smoking weed and dragging me out of bed. Chemistry makes so much sense high.
Between fucking and sleeping I woke up missing four out of five of the earrings I was wearing. It's like a star rating system. I had to give him props.
Its almost 1 am and u wanna get together and cry naked
I'm trying to drink up the confidence to run in public.
Did we kick in my basement door last night?
Yes. I think you actually bought tennis shoes specifically for that application.
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