i walked into his room and he was eskimo kissing his weed..
girl next to me is signing up for tough love. definitely getting laid.
I think "bars open christmas minneapolis" is the saddest google search i've ever done.
Well he's not a stripper, so we're already doing better than my last date.
I'm sorry to inform you but your friends with benefits card has expired has the beginning of the year. If you wish to renew your card you must submit a picture of a fully erect penis. Please note that not all request for a FWB card is accepted.
Great way to live...just blowing loads on upholstery
I did it on acid. I can cook bacon on any condition
I am going to MURDER whoever gave him my phone number but it was probably drunk me so I'm conflicted.
That moment when you realize the hot british guy named rory you drunkenly made out with at a bar is American, is named Tyler, and has a girlfriend.
He said he'd prefer a photo rather than discuss politics, I sent him a snapchat "conservative shorts 4 conservative man". He said "be liberal"
she kind of stumbled up and said "Bitches be needin' stiches." i thought i could convince her to break a bottle over someones head but she fell onto her face and passed out before i could say anything
I fucking hate them. They came over and sat on me and made out. On top of me. Who the fuck does that?
Turns out my mom didn't really want to know I was in a new dimension last night from smoking so much.
It's official. I have spent more money on weed than on textbooks this semester.
couldn't remember his name. introduced him as 'mr multiple orgasms'
Randomize
