Just walked by a guy on campus YELLING 'Im still hammered'
I woke up to him eating cereal out of my viking helmet with a shot glass. No idea where he got the milk.
Just learned how to deliver a baby.the things i saw tonight can never be unseen
I just found out that the liquid capacity of my breasts is 700ml each. I should not be left alone at home when drunk.
I know, but I was really high and I felt like a failure dragon because I could only blow smoke, no fire.
Either I'm deep cleaning my apartment out of severe academic procrastination or I'm subconsciously nesting and need to take a pregnancy test.
I'd say you were a shitshow. Playing floating beer pong in the pool you kept filling other people's cups with pool water and laughing to yourself.
We have started to decorate penises.
I feel like we have both made good decisions regarding our vaginas lately
I don't even remember what he looks like. All I know is he's 6 foot 100. I like that.
I am a good friend because I got you a bagel. I am a bad friend because I ate half of it.
He smells like ham and a lifetime of poor choices
At this point it's more of an experiment to see how much actual bush growth is possible. See, being single can be both educational and surprisingly comfy!
Today we memorialize my orgasms. Taken from me over six months ago, gone too soon. Here's to hoping we'll see one again
Met the hot new neighbor. She's into country music and giving really good bjs. Latter made up for the former.
Randomize
