One can only hope that this night would end with my thumb in another humans rectum.
So I heard you only slept with me because you were drunk...is that true?
That depends on who this is.
Dude it was weird. The strippers vagina tasted kind of like your mother's.
He should know he can't successfully wrestle in pudding fully clothed. Amateur.
Is it bad that I want a job purely so I can buy drugs with without feeling like I am sacrificing my future?
Why do you think I have a job?
That's what I love about being a lesbian. My roommate's boyfriend watched her finger me and then he made me pancakes in the morning. AND THEN HE LEFT.
The first crop top of the year and you're rocking it in the ER. #ratchet
What is my life?
Lets just put it this way. Im meeting his nana after a mind blowing orgasm.
id like to think im the only pot dealing prostitute that is also an ordained minister. but maybe not. what a time to be alive
We got signed out of jail by an Uber driver. I think that qualifies as a great first night of college
Taking care of drunk people fulfills my need to be a mother
All I'm saying is this is the exact reason I should not be left unsupervised.
I don't blame you. I made YouTube videos of me singing Rent songs then slept with a married couple. Fucking tequila.
I hummed the theme from jaws while she was taking the pregnancy test....needless to say she was not pleased
when the cops came she just started yelling at them "Fuck the police! freedom of speech bitches!"
Randomize
