I'm home alone watching The Hills seasons, eating pickles and drinking straight rye. I just googled "how to make friends". Probably not the most pro-active solution. Help.
Turns out you're obligated under man law to share any passwords you may have for porno sites
Is that what they're teaching u at that bar review class?
Lady with a stroller in a bar. Think she's out of my league?
I never thought I would get head to the lion king soundtrack
We just filmed our own version of iron chef. The secret ingreient was whisky.
What did you cook with whisky?
We started a fire.
I misjudged the power of my pelvic thrusting capabilities. His nose is broken. Thoughts?
I just karate chopped a humming bird out of mid air. It came at my face while I was out side smoking. Scared the shit out of me. My ninja skills just took over. Haha. I mean really at that point it was me or him.
Change the recording on your voicemail. He found your number and my ass print on the car hood.
dont eat that thats our sex nutella.
We helped him hit the bowl to the point that he didn't even have to move
Yeah, it was all very half-hearted. In the middle of sex we both just stopped and looked at each other and said, "can we just sleep instead?"
That is so sad.
We went camping and met these lesbians and now I have S'mores where there shouldn't be S'mores.
Just got home, my brothers stoned and he got a high score on COD.. He just asked me if I wanted to have a celebrational yogurt with him. Wtf?
Alcohol. Making me feel good about myself since 2008
He lasted less than 30 sec. in bed and then sent me a friend request on LinkedIn. Wtf.
Randomize
