the ***** family is living proof that there are no more lifeguards in the humen gene pool
This bar receipt from last night makes no sense
You were wasted and got mad that it was too high so you subtracted 50 bucks in the tip line from the total
I wish that would've worked
he kept a regular condom in his wallet just so he could comment on how it wouldnt fit before whipping out the magnums. i give him points for the build up
Those foam number one hands, are the BEST socks.
Not gonna lie i was comfortable between the allsups air conditioners while you were talking to the cop.
All hell broke loose. When the police showed up, this kid somehow haggled with a cop to let him pee in public. I'm convinced he could talk the panties off of a nun
Just recreated a sandwich from the caf in my own kitchen. Graduation denial at it's finest.
As if I wouldn't steal Nintendo brand "Mario is my HOMEBOY!" boxers when he gave me the entire drawer to choose from.
To this day, I regret not having sex in the bathroom
I put in a tampon while driving a moving vehicle. I feel like this is simultaneously a new low and the sort of feat that deserves a merit badge.
I think we should have a sex position advent calendar
Why is there a wet sock in my garbage? Why did I chug so much red wine? Why was someone signing into my iCloud account at 4 am in China? Why do I do self-destructive reckless things? So many questions.
Cum just came out of my nose. That is all.
Wanna get drunk and make some bad decisions?
Are you calling me a bad decision?
In celebration of finishing my homework, lets drink tea w/ vodka
Randomize
