New drinking game: drink every time the guy whose room we are in is creepy
enjoy the hospital
The remote chance that I may get a blowjob is about the only reason I have a shower every day.
i dodnt think we hooked up bcause he actually texted me the next day
Security said no more parties of this kind. To me that translates to Theme party this weekend.
We got jeff a deep fryer for his bday. So far the count is two potatoes and your iPod.
I am lonely and I want to touch your beard
He kept stopping sex to whisper in my ear, and the only thing I could understand was "double stuffed oreos"
As the bouncer was escorting you out, you yelled "keep your filthy dick beaters off me!"
I walk in and my roomie is fucking her bf while wearing lingerie and minnie mouse ears. Right in the childhood.
Wouldn't life be so much easier if you could just walk up to attractive men and say, "Let me bear your children" and it wouldn't be creepy?
Or possibly end in a restraining order?
I was a bouncer for about 90 seconds until the real bouncers figured out that I was doing their job
Is it weird that my ex and the dude I'm talking to now both only have one testicle? Apparently I've found my type..
Um I got a ride home from the bar with two random boys and one tried to bang me on my parents riding mower
I figure I since I made out with him that I at least had to save his number in my phone.
Listen, you can either give me drugs or an orgasm. You decide.
Randomize
