just looked at his mug shot... not really my type
my cup is half full, half full of rum.
I have a king size bed, I guarantee multiple orgasms, and I'll give you a ride home in the morning. Respond quickly.
I think ppl see us as an unstoppable drunken force
I was trying to be an adult about it and simply deal with the situation, but a bowl seemed much more comforting.
he just sent me a picture of his penis sticking through a piece of paper that he had drawn a stick figure with tits on it that said "you"
... Cuz there's nothing like having your two male roommates catching you have a good cry in the driveway at 9am on a Wednesday.
She just asked to come over. She's either going to bring one of her dads guns and kill me or we're going to end up having insane lesbian sex.
I'm gonna be the best dressed mother fucker to ever get kicked out of that damn bar.
At least they play good movies in the waiting room of the pregnancy resource center.
Whenever you have to pee or whatever I'll be over here to harass you
Don't judge me. It's a Monday night and I can eat burritos in while bathing in the kitchen sink if I want to.
I keep worrying the police are going to come looking for us.
For which one? Starting a fire on my porch or having sex on my porch?
Shit facedness and cuddling are what you have to look forward to this evening.
Fruitcakes are only good for throwing at neo Nazis.
Randomize
