Forget abc fam drinking games. Take a shot everytime Tyra says I and you'll be dead by the first commercial
So, I just pissed in her shampoo bottle. Hope she enjoys a late golden shower from me.
he was so drunk I had to hold him up and he started crying when he heard an ambulance siren and said "is that for me?"
If he starts "inventing" things cut him off. The last thing he invented was chocolate chip green beans and he destroyed my kitchen
You are the only person I know that goes to a bar enough to charge your iPhone there....
we are torturing ourselves with these mediocre cocks
I demand visitation hours with the duck.
Even her dad came up for the body shots. Wasn't sure what to do so I just laid there and let it happen...
He's telling everyone that the only reason he's at this party is to hook up with me. SOS HELP.
dude i'm so hungover my hair hurts
I don't think you should be sorry for such memorable sex that I yell your name when you aren't around.
I'm still confused. So he's NOT your cousin by blood, but WAS your cousin, on two separate occasions, by marriage? Still too weird I think...
Being on probation is a nice change of pace. It's refreshing to wake up and know what I did last night.
He lured me round with the prospect of sex and then made me proofread his CV and spoon. I fucking hate this guy.
Looks like it rained condoms in my room last night
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