it's like everything I expected to see tonight all put together in one at once
that is the greatest description ever
Is it a step in the wrong direction to ask my parents for a kegerator for graduation?
I just found out my mom named me after her fake ID from college...
It's sad that the best source of heat that I have is my vaporizer.
I'm making presurgery martini's. You need to be here.
Have you resumed life with the rest of the world yet or are you still huddled in the fetal position while wearing compression gear?
Just found out drinking 6 trays of random shots makes me wake up on a club toilet with my underwear and jeans around my ankles
The shit I just took made me regret every life decision leading up to it.
I mean, unless you wanna just let me lie there while you fuck me and pour water into my mouth
my cockatiel has aquired a taste for beer. I should not be allowed to own exotic pets.
His girlfriend left him for the pizza guy. I am not fucking kidding.
I don't need romance, I need cheese sticks
so in 24 hours i have gotten caught having sex in my car by a cop, almost burnt off my vag, almost got hit by a semi, and got fired. awesome.
Did I literally just offer a blowjob for help moving? Yes. Yes, I did.
Yeah, sometimes it takes a while to realize, wow you kind of suck and not in the fun way
Randomize
