I'm drunk
Is that why you're texting me
Yes
And when I look at him, I just want him to say "I love you" in between deep thrusts and hard grunts.
once the "do it" chant starts, any shot at an even remotely dignified party experience is dead.
can your parents tell?
i just had a cookie in one hand and a phone in the other and tried to eat my phone...they know
DID YOU JUST COME OUT THROUGH A FACEBOOK COMMENT??
She just face-timed her mom and had her watch all of us toast to her grandmas tits..
Send me the picture of my mugshot, my boss got arrested last night and I'm trying to make her feel better.
Dont tell her I prefer to have an aura of mystique surronding me and my penis.
I want to lick his teeth again. Is that a creepy thing to say?
She's trying to sext her husband for the first time. I'm feeding her lines. It is 3 am and I am playing Cyrano for my wasted big sister TELL ME I AM NOT THE BEST SISTER IN LAW ON THE PLANET.
I don't think I will ever be as happy about anything as this man next to me on the bus eating Taco Bell.
I'm watching the World Cup in bed naked with john and our USA flag aviator glasses. Can you say America?
Can we table this discussion? The roommate is out of town and I have to eat pie on the couch in my underwear.
All I know is that I got to have an orgasm yesterday during sex so nobody can put a damper on my day, NOBODYYYYYY
i knew it was a party when i saw you sitting on the couch naked with the keg in your lap, still drinking and passing out cups
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