I'm pounding a vodka drink as we speak to make her interesting
Today I realized that I've had whole drunk relationships with people. And sober me has and wants no part in it.
You're the unicorn of the gay community. Unbelievable and unattainable.
he wanted me to put the condom on for him. I was high and couldn't figure it out.. so instead we played xbox.
Have you seen my high heels that I wore out?
You mean the one that you threw at the parked cop car or the one in the microwave?
So what if i ate it off the ground. Its like i found a five dollar bill just laying there, in burrito form.
Before I dignify that with an answer, let me get this straight. You're asking me if I wiped my ass on the towels?
we found a loaf of bread in my bathroom i believe its yours. sorry i took a shower before we noticed so it might be soggy
I also have a full keg. I'm thinking about crashing a party, they can't get mad if I bring a keg of beer.
new costume idea. paint swatches and a ball gag... I'll be 50 shades of grey.
We call it "Dishes: Hard Mode". Basically whoever is doing dishes gets head but needs to finish the dishes before they cum.
And so far nothing been broken!
Get in your clown car, pick up everyone you know, and head to the park. drunk Sledding grand prix tonight. winner takes home the leftover beer
His pick-up lines are quotes from Doctor Who. Of course I fucked him.
I guess she found the pillow case full of vomit I hid last night: "Oh my God. Oh my God. In my fucking FRIDGE?! Really? Hope your dick falls off there's puke all over my food. Fucking die."
Not going to lie, when I looked in the tub I expected to see what might have been remnants of a squirrel.
Randomize
