ad ew i am wasted whats my problem
Dude I just heard my boss singing from the bathroom "I love making poop"
he left me a 6 minute video of him peeling a clementine listening to justin bieber
we bought a duck. we're keeping him in our dorm room. don't ever try to tell me you've had a better freshman year than me.
Security said no more parties of this kind. To me that translates to Theme party this weekend.
i'll get you drunk even if i have to inject alcohol into your arm through an IV
you're the only one i would trust to do that
Its like he woke the dragon, and the dragon is hungry for a good dick.
We just weren't working out together, on a completely unrelated note some guy that i talked to on his grinder account said i could crash at his place
I envy your ninja level of don't give a fuck
Mom and I are both drunk and walking around the Strip. It's like the hangover but with a lot more bathroom breaks.
I woke up sick this morning, maybe sucking a random dudes finger at a bar last night wasn't that clean of an idea.....
i have achieved a new state of being which requires no food or water but is sustained only by coffee and pure, unrelenting rage
You have got to be the only man who has passed out while getting a lap dance.
We laughed, we cried, we fucked, we shirked our familial and work related responsibilities. They could make a movie about the last 40 hours of our lives.
I'm gonna go parent style on your ass... I don't ask much from you but if you could please just come get shitfaced with me I would really appreciate it
how do i say "cradle the balls" in Italian
Randomize
