and everytime i fart i feel like in your heart, you can hear it
I just beat off to a cartoon porn video. what has my life come to
She got mad when I told her I'd bone her mom. She got MORE mad when her mom heard, and was flattered by it. Proud to say I attract MILFS.
i found you on the dancefloor with your cell phone to your ear saying that you didn't like the music they played at the club so you were going to listen to your own
Dont even try and act like it wasn't you who made the sex tape of my dogs.
It never fails.. every time I have a dick in my mouth he calls me.
Jail wasn't bad. Was poppin Xanax the whole way there
It's times where you wake up in the hospital after trying to road surf that you wonder what you're doing in life.
Admittedly shitfaced... I have two questions. 1)why is the fan in my bathroom on? (Sub-text: is there a ghost?). 2) is your underwear really argyle?
woke up to a case of keystone on my porch when I went to bed at seven that morning.. I think it's someone's peace offering for getting my roommates car towed
I'm a bit broke right now... Would it be OK if I pay you in champagne and Xanax?
I just came so hard I growled. Definitely found my gspot.
YOU LICKED MY MAKEUP OFF.
You kept yelling stranger danger at Nick because he was talking to that girl you didn't like. Your not invited ever again.
I went to a swingers party and came home with a boyfriend. I love my life.
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