Just saw some girl biking on campus with a babyseat on the front. Baby included. Do you know how many points that'd be worth?
...She just said, "We've been blessed with good drugs lately."
She nearly killed the mood when she said "Don't cum on my spray tan"
When she talks to me all I hear are 5 generations of inbreeding speaking.
I just got woken up by some Christians who wanted to talk about the bible. ways to make a hangover even worse for a thousand trebek
i think the sex is so good because i get a contact high just from fucking him
What if he turns back to me, finds me seemingly fondling my breasts, and thinks I'm turned on by eagles?
I like that our conversation ended with "im gonna go get pregnant goodnight"
Just realized I chose a bacon cheeseburger over sex last night
All im saying is that my face might fall off.
Would you accept a fantastic blowjob as payment?
The man sent me a video of him doing the helicopter, the least I can do is go visit him in the hospital
I woke up in a cornfield to shouting, a bottle of Jim Beam, and a bunch of mc muffins. If this doesn't scream Illinois, idk what does.
I'm here. Help me get the salsa and bong inside.
His sisters are going to have a heyday finding all those condoms in their bunk beds.
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