he changed my name in his contacts to "rick", so his mom wouldn't know he was texting me
Sorry I dragged you across a parking lot
What's the address?
Too drunk. Just google it.
IT'S YOUR HOUSE
I'm gonna cougar town the shit out of that prom.
of course we have a beer bong
how else would we feed our christmas tree
just had sex on top of a camper looking at the stars, BEAT THAT.
Cleaning my pipe and using the left over resin solution to make THC laced rolling papers and a jar of hash oil/honey for my tea
WE USE THE WHOLE BUFFALO
Good. Need a drinking partner later. FOR AMERICA!!!
drunk in woodshop so don't even say "I SAWWW THIS COMING." I know you're thinking it.
Well don't pass out under a Swedish flag and people won't make assumptions
I need a costume for that party. Even if I'm just taking it off.
I swear if you get so drunk that I have to sing Bohemian Rhapsody to you again to get you to come out of the bathroom I'm leaving you at the bar this time.
Don't mind me, I'm just walking 2 miles across campus with no jacket, covered in highlighter, and carrying a hair extension. Gotta love miami!
did you call me last night and say you were being kidnapped?
She’s super into those renaissance faires. But, if you can’t actually stab anyone, what’s the point?
Randomize
