i just wanna soil my oats bro
I just beer bonged a sparks. You better get your ass over here because no one is on my level yet
I swear there's a gravitational pull from your vagina to large groups of men in uniform.
I've decided I'm peeing in a solo cup then throwing it on his windshield. It's official. He called the cops 4 times in our first week at the house. He deserves it, right?
Sounds good. I will just get tanked here and wear this batman mask.
NO. ANAL IS NOT A GAME.
well we called the liquor store to tell them to stay open five more minutes so we could make it and they recognized our voices. I've never been more proud.
there's a girl on facebook trying to buy me a pizza. I can't say no... right?
YOU ARE SO GOD DAMN LOUD AND YOU'RE SHAKING THE GOD DAMN HOUSE. FUCKING STOP.
Never thought going to McDonald's alone at 3 AM would end with a blowjob outside some random girl's apartment...
I just almost caught my floor on fire, then decided I could put it out with my knuckles! So I'm doing good!
Dude. That Grinch had his priorities right when he was worried that there might be a cash bar at that town celebration.
So I paid Bumble $10 to see who liked my profile for a month. Cheap, easy dick. It's all about the economics, yo.
While buying Plan B the lady at the counter looked at me and said hope you have a successful night as I walked away in shame
I left him naked in his bed. I did cover his junk with a blanket in case his roommate walked in later though. so I don't feel as bad about it.
Randomize
