marko just referred to some fat asian and a portly friend as Jupiter and one of its moons. unreal. hyte!
I just broke up with my girlfriend lets go find strippers that need rent money.
Fyi mom and I voted and you're the DD tonight, congratulations
The boys are giving me the exam answers and I don't even have to expose my body..yayy engineering!
Is it too much to ask that he stop calling me 'titty fuck' in public?
I just had to MC for a middle school event with jizz on my dress. I'm going to hell.
I don't know how I got here... but I think I'm in a Christian Impact meeting... I'm trying to act as straight as possible. They can sense gay.
GUESS WHO GOT ABSOLUTELY WASTED LAST NIGHT AND SPENT AN HOUR RAMBLING ABOUT KRAFT DINNER, HOCKEY, AND THE LAST TEMPTATION OF CHRIST
Let's get drunk and put things on the grill that have no right to be there.
Happy birthday, America.
I'm pretty sure I just orgasmned my way out of paying for that weed
Jk probs not coming. Tequila
First night of sleeping in the same bed, and she farted on me. I immediately excused myself and went home. Don't know if we're still together. Will update you.
Was not aware that standing loudly up off the couch and loudly, drunkenly slurring "I'M EIGHTEEN NOW BITCHES" counted as a primitive mating call.
Interlocking vagina powers go!!'
Oh god, your drunk again aren't you?
he went down on me WHILE i ate BACON PIZZA! best. boyfriend. ever.
Randomize
