Well I left you a voicemail but you probably won't be able to hear it because my mic is fucked up. I think you need to come down here and take it in for me.
I hate this phone so bad I'm going to lose all of my friends because of it
Yeah...you probably will...
well, you're marked off my christmas card list for next year.
You know how I told you I don't have many naked pics? Apparently that changed last night.
Oprah is sooooo fat. I can't even concentrate on Mackenzie Phillips talking about banging her dad
I envy the lives of milf's kids, the little kid grabs her tits and she just laughs and says not now
They gave me a glowstick necklace to wear so they could locate me if I wandered off into the woods
Scored tix to flower show. Do we want to go drunk on Saturday or hungover on Sunday? Only two options.
I was wondering if I fell or perhaps got hit by a truck, then I remembered, it's cause I did a splits contest at the bar
Sweetie, don't go home with him. You can do so much better. Everyone else at the bar agrees.
It wasn't like a party or anything. They played PlayStation and talked about sports. Then I threw up on his porch.
You need a sexual gate keeper
Do you think I shall pursue this journey to the center if the dick?
I just want to drink bourbon and have sex and then eat like, a Christmas cookie.
I think I'll shower sitting down. That seems safe.
i keep smelling vagina and donuts, which pretty much sumarises this morning. happy birthday.
It smells like graded cheese and febreze in the family room what the hell have you been up to???
Randomize
