the red head has a bf
just because there's a goalie doesn't mean u can't score
He should be on Bizare Foods after who he ate last night
I was so drunk i thought Kathy Griffin was funny
The plus side of allergy season is that after our weekend coke binge my runny nose fits right in.
I'm celebrating tres de junio so if you can help me find some sombreros ill be grateful. Also, today in 1992 Aborigines were granted rights to their land so I might need some boomerangs.
I accidentally screamed the wrong name last night. He stopped for a second, said "fuck it, you're too hot to care," and then continued fucking me.
I bet you think you're really funny for switching my line of coke with a line of protein powder.
Bc when the owner of your local gay bar and a drag king ask you to take them to a rival gay bar 2hrs away at 4 in the morning YOU GO.
"guaranteed dick" "anywhere - her room, my room, trees, couch"
Sorry that was quotes about you from the grad student.
My mom comes home from her weekend with her lesbian co-workers and asks "You wanna know how I got these bruises?" I've never been more torn about anything EVER.
Ur wingman ability is causing serious doubt
Ok first off its WAY easier if you are actually here
my poor anus
how do you make "fuck me in the break room" sound casual?
I want to tell you your future: you're going to be having sex
He wore pink swim trunks on our date and repeatedly insulted my profession, but his cat kept standing up like a person to nuzzle my face and I felt like a Disney Princess. I hate this dude, but the cat is too amazing for me to not fake interest for.
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